Two Days Before Wednesday Weigh-In No. 10

Current Weight: Don't Ask

I felt the need to drop a line about how terrible the contest is going for me right now. Last week I extolled the virtues and vices of eating for comfort during times of trouble. I thought it might be a little like counseling myself - perhaps cheaper than a therapist. Well, it's certainly cheaper. This blog ain't costing me anything. But it's done nothing to help the overwhelming desire I've had the last couple of weeks to consume anything and everything that crosses my path. Let's just say there was an incident with a butter-flavored cake on Sunday and leave it at that.

So here it is Monday, two days prior to the contest weigh-in, a good couple of weeks before the first leg of the contest ends, and I'm freaking. I've got so little to show for the last ten weeks of self-imposed torture. Less than ten pounds (and at this point I'm backtracking rather than moving forward). I feel like I should have taken better advantage of this opportunity -- been more competitive, made larger strides in my self improvement, seized this contest to use it as my will to power (sorry, I've been reading a lot of Nietzsche lately).

Instead I've balked (and shoved sundry foods inside my piehole at embarrassingly short-spaced intervals for no good reason) and I just needed to vent my frustration here because my will power has been woefully nonexistent. Can I turn this thing around in two weeks? Hell, didn't Big Loser drop twice my total weight loss in that amount of time? If she can do it, shouldn't I be able to? Perhaps, but let's face it. She's been a bit more dedicated than I have.

You know what worries me more than losing? What the hell am I going to do when the contest is over and I don't have anyone looking over my shoulder come feeding time?

And just so you all don't start thinking that I'm being hard on myself -- I'm not. I'm just sharing my deepest, darkest musings on this blog because I can. But before you start passing around a collection for a therapist for me, you should know that a lot of what I say is in exaggerated jest, even if it does have some twisted origins in the cognitive dissonance that is my daily life. I've just been curious if anyone else is having thoughts even remotely similar to mine. :-)

The most spiritual men, as the strongest, find their happiness where others would find their destruction: in the labyrinth, in hardness against themselves and others, in experiments. Their joy is self-conquest. Difficult tasks are a priviledge to them; to play with burdens that crush others, a recreation. They are the most venerable kind of man: that does not preclude their being the most cheerful and the kindliest.
-Friedrich Nietzsche from Quoteland.com