A Day Before Weigh-In No. 6

Weight: I donwanna talkaboutit

So Bushes and I were talking this morning. She's actually excited to weigh in this week because her home scale is giving her some good numbers.

I'm not so sure I'll be as happy tomorrow. I haven't been a good girl lately. I've been sucking up vices like it's my last day on Earth -- drinking beer and wine, hitting Chinese buffets (coconut shrimp is like crack to me) -- and exercise? Fuhgettaboutit.

It all started last Friday when, after an especially taxing week at work, Boss suggested we head over to Cracker Barrel to reward ourselves with some comfort food. It was exactly what we needed, but it fricken blew the diet. And I'm still recovering.

It'd be no big deal and I wouldn't be whining so much if I'd just quit sitting around every day. Burning calories means having the luxury of consuming calories, right? Sure. And it'd happen if there were just a couple more hours in the day. As it is, and I've said this a million times before, the only time I could squeeze in activity is first thing in the morning. And that, at least, is one thing Bushes and I have in common. She knows she should wake up at dawn and exercise, just like I know I should, but damn, it's hard! I have great intentions. I set my alarm for 6 a.m., I lay out my work clothes each night (I took Big Loser's advice and quit sleeping in my sweats for no other reason except that it's ridiculous). But come midnight, I'm still wandering around my house plucking discarded socks out from underneath the coffee table, sending out one last email to an old college buddy back in California, furiously scribbling down notes for my next cover story or novel that suddenly popped in my head and have to be committed to paper before they flit away forever ... well, let's just say, I can't go to bed early. And that usually means I sleep through the 6 a.m. buzzer.

It's not that big of a deal, except that the lack of exercise inevitably means I have to make up for the extra calories in my diet. And I'm really going to have to get creative if I want to halt the gain I had last week. I considered this last night over dinner: a playing cards-size slice of pork, a thimble-size serving of mashed potatoes and a Titanic-size pile of cooked spinach. None of it tasted good to me. So why was I eating it? I would have been happy having an apple or a salad.

But this is something I've struggled with for a while. I've had an aversion to meat for as long as I can remember, and was a vegetarian for years because of it. I've always wondered what possessed early humans to look at one of those nasty, furry, tusked wild boars and say, "Mmm. Dinner." Now we breed the hairless kind to slap on our dinnerplates, but it's still the same thing. I quit being a vegetarian about seven years ago. That was the year I took my kids to my grandparent's house for Thanksgiving. They set the steaming turkey carcass on the table so we could watch as my grandfather ripped the flesh from its milky-white bones. I knew things had to change when my middle son, who was 4 at the time, was asked what he was most thankful for, and replied, without hestiation, "I'm thankful for meat!"

But, honestly, that's when the downslide began in regards to my health. I ate whatever was set in front of me, whether I liked it or not, and a habit was born. I know I'm not the only person who does this. I think it's human nature.

I mean, think about cows. They are these huge, docile creatures who spend their days ambling along enjoying life. They're all about eating healthy and meat from grazing cows is very lean. They drink the best water -- they'll wade out into the middle of a stream where the current is strongest and the water freshest to drink. They prefer the best, most tender grass and will wander for miles in a day to find it. And they love sweet delicacies. They'll turn away from cud if there's buttercups or sweet, red clover to be found.

What did humans do when they first encountered these peaceful beasts? Did they take their cue and start eating flowers? Hell no! They ate the cow.